Interviews With Kelly & Jack

       Kelly Osbourne Speaks !

The Cleavers, the Bradys, the Cosbys...and now the Osbournes. It's the next generation of family-oriented sitcoms, a reality-based comedy that follows the lives of Ozzy Osbourne and his family. There's no script, the situations are real, the family is normal...well, sort of. Okay, not even close, but the show which airs Tuesday's at 10:30pm on MTV

is more entertaining than anything else currently on television.

In fact ratings for "The Osbournes" have been so good, the show's turned MTV and every magazine cover into a virtual Ozzfest.

Each week over 4 million viewers tune in "The Osbournes" to watch a nearly comatose Ozzy deal with his controlling wife Sharon and two moody children, Jack, 17 and Kelly, 18. A third child, 19-year old Aimee chose to move out of the house rather than be associated with her now mega-famous family that Ozzy himself proclaimed "crazy".

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Kelly and talk to her about her unusual family and new found fame.

Surprisingly, I found Kelly at first to be somewhat shy and uncomfortable talking about herself. However, it didn't take long to bring out the Osbourne in this lovable teen with the million dollar pout.

Chaunce Hayden: I only have about 400 questions for you.

Kelly Osbourne: (Laughs)

"The Osbournes" is the hottest show on television. Are you surprised that so many people are interested in the daily lives of you and your family?

I can't even tell you how surprised I am. It's insane. I didn't think anyone would like the show as much as they do.

Obviously you agreed to do the show. But doesn't it make you uncomfortable that so many total strangers are getting such an intimate look at your personal life?

I don't have anything to hide, so I don't really care. But it is very weird that so many people are giving me so much attention. It's weird that they feel like they know me. It's strange.

Before all this madness, you were just another rich kid of a rock 'n' roll legend. But now the attention has also turned toward you. Do people spot you on the street and say anything?

It's so weird! Some people like us and some people don't. It's like anything. Last night, some girl came up to me and my brother and said to Jack, "I hate your c-nt sister! She's a brat and you suck!" and then she slapped my brother in the face! She was drunk, but still, people are nuts! It's unbelievable to me that people feel like they know us well enough to do shit like that.

Are you sure you're up for all this attention?

I don't think anyone is.

You're just 17 years old and all of this fame happened pretty much overnight. Is it possible that things are going a little too fast for you?

No, because our family has always been somewhat in the public eye. We've always been noticed. The day I was born it made the papers in England. So we've always had something going on but never anything like this ... ever! It's crazy.

Your mom was quoted as describing "The Osbournes" as a show about a normal American family. You don't believe there's anything at all normal about your family, do you?

No.

Recently the media has focused on your older sister, Aimee. It's been reported that she's the "normal" one and that she moved out of the house because she didn't want to be a part of the show.

You know what, she's just insecure about it. She says she has a music career and that she doesn't want to do it. But I think by not doing it, she has created more attention for herself than had she just done it.

Do you wish your sister Aimee was a part of the show?

I don't really care either way. I would be nice if she was. It would make things a lot easier if she was a part of it.

Has Aimee's refusal to participate caused tension within the family?

No, not at all.

What's Aimee's opinion of the show and its success?

I think she's shocked. That's pretty much how all of us feel. None of us can believe that the show has gotten to be so big.

Is there a chance Aimee might hop on the bandwagon for the second season?

No, she just doesn't want to do it, which is completely understandable.

Are you close to her?

No, we don't really talk.

Are you close to your brother Jack?

Yes.

It seems the two of you have a love-hate relationship.

It's just like with anything on TV, with editing they can make it look like we hate each other or they can make us look like we love each other. We fight and we get on as well. Just like anyone.

The cast of "Friends" gets a million dollars each per episode. Your show blows theirs away. Does that mean you'll be looking to get six figures each for the next season?

I don't know anything about the money. I don't ask about it.

Why not?

(Laughs) I think you should bring that up with the people at MTV! But to me, money is so superficial, and I know that to some people money is the end all and be all of happiness. But it's not, and it's not something I really talk about, so I never really asked what I'm getting paid to do this show.

Do you have an agent?

(Yells) I just got one today, actually! I can't remember his name, but he's the same agent as Drew Barrymore and Ben Affleck. It's driving me nuts that I can't think of his name!

Are you considering possibly getting into acting?

I don't know what I want to do. I'm looking into everything and I'll end up doing whatever makes me happy.

Your dad is infamous for biting off the head of a dove during a meeting with his record label. Do you remember the first time you heard that story for yourself?

No, that kind of thing has been going on for so f-king long. It's just so annoying and it's not something I want to talk about or hear about.

Does it upset you to know your father could do something like that?

It doesn't upset me, it's just repetitive. I mean, how many times do I have to hear the same story? Know what I mean? I mean, by this point you would think people already have the answer, so why even bother to ask the question?

Okay, let's skip the dead dove question. How would you describe the relationship between you and your father? Do you ever wish he wasn't Ozzy and was just a normal parent?

Nope, because then I wouldn't be who I am. I think my dad is really wonderful at times. I don't know anyone else like him.

There are rumors that your dad is suffering from Parkinson's disease. Is he ill?

(Yells) Ahhh! People are so f-king stupid! He has a neurological imbalance from something ... I don't know what. Sometimes the nerves in his leg go off and it makes him walk funny. But he's not suffering from Parkinson's! People just make up shit because he walks funny. I mean, he's broken his leg five times!

Do you know there are fan clubs dedicated to you on the Internet?

(Laughs) Really? Oh my God!

Do you surf the Web?

No, but I do go on the message boards on the MTV Web site.

What do people say about you?

There are so many positive things, but I don't want to read them because I'm afraid it will go to my head. I just don't want to read it. But I always find myself reading the bad things for some reason. I don't know why.

Does it upset you to read negative comments about yourself?

(Yells) No! I would think those people would come up with something a bit more interesting to talk about, or at least make up things that are a bit more juicy, so it's at least interesting for me to read. But it's always stuff that I already know and it's boring.

Do you care what people think of you?

I don't care what anybody thinks of me.

Why?

Because there's something wrong with everyone and there's something good in everyone.

Would you agree that most people seem to like you?

I feel really stupid saying this but, yeah, there seems to be more positive than negative. Let's put it that way.

The show where you fight with your next-door neighbors is fascinating. How's that feud going?

Oh, we don't even talk to them. It's like they're not even there anymore. It's this guy and his wife and their baby and another couple who live with them in this huge house. But we know somebody who knows them, and we think they may have gotten divorced and he got kicked out. Basically, they kind of calmed their asses down. They're not so noisy anymore.

How are you more like your mom or your dad?

I got my dad's bad habits but my mom's attitude toward things.

That's terrifying.

(Laughs) I know!

Do you have a boyfriend now?

No, I don't. When you have one you don't want one, and when you don't have one you want one. (Laughs) I haven't really found anyone I like. But it's so weird, since the show has become popular, all the boys are coming out of the woodwork. In the past, nobody would pay any attention to me, I'd always be the little girl in the corner hanging out by herself. But now all the extra-hot guys are coming up to me and giving me their phone number. But you know what, you didn't like me then, and now just because I'm on some f-king TV show on MTV you think you like me ... GO AWAY!

What would a guy have to do to win your affection?

I like real people. I don't like anyone who's going to pretend to be something they're not. I don't like people who care that I'm on TV. I like meeting people who have no idea about any of it.

That's going to be hard to do now.

I know.

Tell me more about your brother Jack. He seems to be wound a little tight.

We get along really good, but I think he's been affected by the whole TV thing.

You mean fame's gone to his head?

Yeah, but how could it not? He's just a little boy, and it's been really hard for him. I'm young as well, but I'm a year older than Jack, and mentally girls grow faster than boys. This whole thing is hard for him. Could you imagine loads of people around you who have all these expectations of you? All these people are around him all day long, telling him how amazing he is and how funny he is. Of course it's going to go to his head.

I heard that you have to keep the strippers away from him. Is that true?

We were out last weekend, and this ugly skinny girl with big tits was following Jack around. But she looked like a crow had jumped up and bit her in the face! I was like, "Jack, where the hell did you find this person? She's dog-ugly!" Then she kept calling the house. I wanted to tell her, "You know what? If he wasn't on TV you wouldn't give two shits, now f-k off! He's 16 and you're 24, now go away!"

So you're Jack's voice of reason.

I guess so.

You seem to have a very level head.

I think I have to. I don't want to be the stereotypical asshole. It's the people who you meet on the street that enable my brother and I to have everything that we have. They buy the CDs and go to the concerts and watch the TV show, and if you're not nice it's going to come back to you. I'm a strong believer in karma.

Do you think the show will hurt the Ozzy image to his hardcore fans?

You know, he never tried to be anything but himself. Some people may say that it's selling out, but he's really not. He's never been anything but himself. This isn't to make album sales go up. He just did it to see what it would be like.

Whose decision was it to do the show?

It was my mom's decision.

By the way, what's with all the dogs and cats?

One of our dogs just ran away, so we just got another cat. When you go to the pet store and see these animals in cages, you have to think, "Well I could get a new outfit or I could bring something home alive."

Is it sanitary to live with so many animals?

As for the house being clean and sanitary, we have three housekeepers, so the house better be f-king clean! People come into our house and say they've never seen such a clean house.

You hardly seem like an L.A. kind of girl. How do you like living in the land of fake boobs and nose jobs?

I think I don't give a shit. People can say what they want to me, I don't care if people like me and I don't care if they don't like me. It's not going to change who I am. Hey, there's nothing wrong with fake boobs. I might even get some myself when I turn 40 and mine begin to sag! I have no problem with that. What I don't like is the attitude. Everyone comes out here from Orange County or wherever the f-k they're from and they're all looking for the same thing. This rich man that's going to sweep them off their feet and make them a movie star. But it's never going to happen. All these people are living in a dream world and they're going to have their hearts broken. They're absolutely living in a dream world.

Is it true you're personally thinking about relocating to Manhattan?

Yeah! I'm going to. I'm looking to buy an apartment in New York right now.

Your mother said that would break her heart.

Oh, I know. But she knows. I just don't like L.A.

One of the rules of the house according to your father is to make sure condoms are used at all times ...

(Yells) OH FOR F-K'S SAKE! (Laughs)

Britney Spears claimed she was saving herself for marriage. What are your views on sex?

You know what? I don't believe you should remain a virgin until you get married. What if you get married and you don't like the way that he does it? That's a very important thing. And I think it's absolute bollocks that Britney Spears isn't having sex with Justin. For f-k's sake, look at him! He's a gorgeous teen idol and she's f-king gorgeous! Of course they're f-king humping! How are they not?

Don't you know that they broke up?

Rumors, rumors, rumors, you never know. Although I just saw him at a club fooling around with another girl, so maybe they aren't together anymore. Who knows?

Are you attracted to Justin?

I used to have the hugest attraction to him when I was little! I thought he was gorgeous. But you take another look and yes, he's a good-looking man, but I think it's the whole idea that he's in a boy band and he sings. If you saw him and he wasn't in a boy band, you would just think whatever, you know?

I hear you have a lot of famous friends, including Elijah Wood.

Yeah, he's one of my closest friends. He's such a great guy! People always ask why do famous people hang out with famous people? It just so happens you get forced into meeting these people and you can't help but become friends with them. Mandy Moore is one of my best friends. She's just amazing! I cried five times during her movie. I felt so stupid.

I'm surprised you're friends with her.

Why?

Because she seems like someone who's too perfect and L.A. for you.

She's got flaws. That's just the persona that surrounds her. She's not the perfect person the media makes her out to be. She's just an amazing person and I love her.

Who do you hate?

Willa Ford! I f-king cannot stand her! She is the biggest f-king idiot I have ever met in my life. I can't stand her! She's so into herself, and the only reason she has any career at all is because she f-ked a kid from the Backstreet Boys! Seriously, she needs to get over herself. All she does is talk about herself. My brother said something mean about the Backstreet Boys in front of her and I said, "I'm sorry, I know that's a touchy subject." She stood up and turned around to me and said, "Don't you read the press?" Nobody knows who she is and she thinks she's famous! She's very arrogant and she needs to get over herself. She's got no talent. She wishes she was Britney Spears, but she's not even close. She tells everyone she's from Miami, but she's not. She's from some ghetto in Florida. She just made that up to impress people. If you write anything in this article, write that I hate Willa Ford!!!

I'll make sure I make mention of that. Is it true you're recording "Papa Don't Preach" with the band Incubus?

Yeah! I'm going into the studio this Sunday. I'm shitting myself over this. I've never sung before in my life. I'm only doing it because the record company asked me to. If it doesn't work, it's no big deal. It's only an experiment.

Has Ozzy given you any professional advice?

No! My dad loves it, though. He's been wanting me to sing for a long time. So I've been sitting in my room singing the song over and over a million times.

Okay, if you had to pick one member of your family to live and the rest to die, who would you pick?

(Long pause) I don't know, that's the hardest question in the world. I think my mom. I'd rather die with them, though. I wouldn't want to live without them.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

I wouldn't want to change anything. If I did, I wouldn't be me anymore. Everything happens for a reason. You are what you are for a reason.